hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
