Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
