I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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