How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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