its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
