i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
