I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just had sex bonerless
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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