Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize