the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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