There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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