You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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