When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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