youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
