Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
