Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
