i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
