i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
