chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize