Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
