okay pat passed out under dana's car
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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