I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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