i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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