I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
