I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
