I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
