I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
