So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
