Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
