his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
