Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
