My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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