Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
