I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
