why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no you cant smoke seaweed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
