I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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