I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
