Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
