Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
