dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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