I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
