I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
