And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a beard to bite.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
