I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
