i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize