we have officially lost it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
