Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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