Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
