so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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