When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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