is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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