just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
