Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
50% drunk capacity currently
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
