Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
