I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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