Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
