Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
