Your face is a jimmy john
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
