Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
