Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
