No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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