I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
