Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
