Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
