Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
