im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize