Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
