sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
