he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
