I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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