You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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