I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
