wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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