atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
