Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
