we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
