I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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