I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
