I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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