He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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