Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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