okay pat passed out under dana's car
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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