my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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