I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
