My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize