Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
