Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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