Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
