hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
