every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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