the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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