Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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