Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
