he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
