you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
