I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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