just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
