Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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