I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
