I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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