i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
