we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
