Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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