Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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